e moved towards me.
”I don know any job in the restaurant, but Ill try… I really need a job to support my studies. You know, Edward, I am studying in college right now… maybe I can ask the manager for the schedule of my work? Is that possible? ” I asked him with a constant confidence that deep into my heart I needed a job very badly.
”Yes, Ill recommend you. Come with me, Ill introduce you to my manager. ”
As we were heading to the restaurant, the sparkling light inside of me multiplied a billion times, hoping something beautiful will come along the way. Those crumpled thoughts that bothered me for some time, disappeared as quickly as the bubbles in the air. Never in my imagination had I felt so close to my feelings and thoughts. What I was hoping for, really at this moment for me to move upward even though I knew, how hard to push those negative things to be materialized.
Working in the restaurant with a salary to depend upon, built my ever-changing confidence, which helped sustain the rigors of my daily endurance and continue my college studies. I had done so much of my learning system, wherein I developed my personality to acquire the freedom to do the things that I could learn somehow. The negative thoughts inside my head were blown into multiple rays of hope for my goals in life; adding some motivated aspects of my ambition triggered my inner sanctum to prolong the basic human emotions.
I resumed my schooling with the help of Ayah Isabel who supported me from A to Z. Even with my deepest soul, I knew too well that all of these were just stairs to heaven. The most important things that I could revive with my weaknesses were the ones destroying my dependent personality. But even though I experienced hardships in my existence, I was still aiming for whatever hopes inside of me. Battling through poverty was not my forte, and I didn have the inkling of eluding them. I had such an amazing way of defying myself with what Ive learned to fake things that came into my life.
I began to discover things the hard way. I worked as a server in a restaurant near my boarding house. Some customers wanted to know me personally. Others befriended me. At first, I thought that these people wanted to uplift my well-being and extend some wonderful things that I wanted in life. I considered my situation and emotion to be cultivated by what I valued as a new adventure to me. They explored me high enough as mountain climbers reached the mountain tops. It was such a feeling of developing your inner self to the people who liked to dig deeper and deeper until you cannot fathom the deepest evil in you.
After my duty hours, I was with them, daily as what they wanted me to, as what they molded towards the new day; drinking sprees, parties, and drugs. Nightlife seemed to be the breathing element of my soul. I discovered it, I wanted it, but deep inside my heart, I knew what this meant to be with them. Nevertheless, I continued schooling but my soul and energy cannot withstand the rigors of an everyday event. Even though how hard I tried to run away, still, I kept on coming back and wanting more.
Earthly things captured me like a prisoner, like a virus eating my flesh, and released the ecstasy within me. Believing that I could extend the wondrous feelings that I discovered, explored, and tasted; my discovery made me a fool until I found myself doing the craziness of humanity; money, drugs, and sex.
The more I valued my vices, the more I succumbed to their essence that I could not falter to taste; every minute of it. The happiness that I felt gives real meaning to what I wanted in my whole life. But, little by little, it destroyed my self-esteem and even my whole personality. It changes the core of my soul, my being, and even my heart, resulting in my downfall. The decreasing energy within me continued negatively. The goals that I cherished most were lost over time. I found myself weak, sad, and alone.
I cannot cope with my life in the city, alone, and its Ayah Isabel who cared for me, who came to the rescue.
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