I am too complicated to have friends


Few moments after I had regained consciousness, I found myself searching the flat. I didn leave, simply because I couldn . They had locked the door from the outside. Plus, I wasn thinking very clearly, in fact, I was feeling a little drunk, maybe thats why I then locked the door from the inside. So, I roamed around in the apartment. I was, obviously, thinking about the situation and how to mitigate the repercussions. Oh, I knew there were going to be some. After all, I was locked in an apartment with a newly dead man.

I thought of breaking the door, then I tried breaking the door, and after I had

failed, I brewed myself some coffee. I appreciated the caffeine and then

considered jumping out of the balcony. I had – after all – managed

flight, earlier that day. And what was the deal with the girl and her fancy

fingers? Suddenly there was a knock.

Yeah, these weird spaces between words and sentences, they are a hint to my identity. Maybe.

I casually opened the door and invited the police inside.

”Hello sir. ” I greeted the man, who by his demeanour gave off an air of authority, and therefore I thought was in charge.

”This way. ” I lead and the policeman followed. Two others, trailed behind him. One was a woman, a tall woman in her thirties. The other one was a man, smaller than the other two and was probably insane. He kept on muttering something under his breath the whole time.

After they had followed me inside the room, I went over to the bed and drew the sheets off the dead white man.

The taller man gasped and the woman exclaimed in surprise. Nothing seemed to affect the weird one, though. The other two looked at me, as if asking for an explanation. So, I gave them one.

”He is dead. ” I declared. Then raising my mug at them I asked ”Coffee? ”

Apparently, they didn want coffee. You can guess what took place after that. They arrested me.

Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in the back of a police jeep, with my hands cuffed. The lady took her seat opposite to me, while the weird guy sat shotgun and the taller man drove. There was an awkward silence, and my attempts at making small talk were unsuccessful.

After about eight kilometres, the weird man – effortlessly – shoved his senior out of the car. Dumping him in a particularly populated area. Then slumped back in his seat, as if nothing had happened. The car didn crash or stop, that was weird, particularly because no one was driving it.

The woman then leaned in, and freed me of my cuffs.

”Sorry for the poor treatment, child. ” The man said.

”Ah, okay…. I guess. ” I said, feeling a little disoriented.

”You want to drive? ” he asked.

”No. ” I replied with uncertainty.

”Thats quite alright. ” He said snapping his fingers.

The woman vanished, and in her place, appeared the tiny man.

And even though I didn ask, the dude told me without any reservations.

”I sent the girl home, ” he explained ”It was time for dinner. ”

Instead of stating the obvious, I found myself observing the mans features. His head was too big for his body. A long sharp nose along with two faintly green eyes. Nappy moustache and curly hair, but he didn keep a beard.

”Who are you? ” I asked.

He leaned closer; his voice as soft as a feather but as fierce as a blade.

”I am the hunger in this world, ” he declared ”I am quarrel and I am strife. I am the name of this age, ”

He stood up, buffing his chest, but retaining the same softness in his voice, he added ”I am Kaliyuga. ”

I was silent for a moment, then when I did speak, I spoke honestly: ”Could you, uh, speak any louder, I didn get half of that. ”

Kali cocked his head in disbelief.

”Oh, okay, ” he said, a little embarrassed.

Again, buffing out his chest and then crossing his arms he said with more strength in his voice ”I am the god of all things terrible; I am kali. ”

After another moment of silent contemplation, he avoided a potential disaster by saying: ”Do not confuse me with kālī, the goddess, I don want to enrage her. ”

Just so you know, kālī, is pronounced as kaa – h – li.

He looked at me, perhaps desiring a response. I don know, I can read his mind.

”Okay, ” I said ”What do you want with me? ”

He began zealously, but his voice stammered in the middle. ”Yes well …. Wait, you believe me? ” he was clearly surprised.

”Uh-huh, ” I said with a nod.

”Just like that? ” he seemed to have a hard time believing me.

”Just like that, ” I said ”Look man, I met this girl earlier who could make people fly. Then you and your folk came along, and it turns out you can make people disappear. And its not like I care, I have worse things than the girl to worry about.

”Plus, I am having a bad day and I don know why, but I feel drunk as hell. I just wanna go home. Whatever you have to say, just get on with it. ”

The expression on his face, told me that the conservation wasn going as planned.

”Um… okay so this all started, thousands of years ag… ”

”Yeah, could you tell me all that, in a nutshell. ” I interrupted him.

He was taken aback. Clearly, he hadn expected such cheekiness from me.

”Alright, um…, so I have an enemy, and I want your help in defeating him, ” said Kali.

”And who is this enemy? ” I asked.

He didn point out my rudeness. He didn ask me to respect him. Although, I am sure he wanted me to. Something troubled him. He was afraid of me. All of his confidence had disappeared. It was as if he was a college dropout, pitching his start-up idea to me, a rich investor. I, of course, took advantage of the situation.

Yes, I bullied the God of evil. No wonder, Vishnu considers him a failure of a villain.

Perhaps thats why he allowed the creation of us.

”The lord of the universe, Vishnu, the protector. ” He answered my question.

I didn point out his affection for nouns, but it seemed a little too peculiar, even in my (sort of)drunk state, for a magic doing man to be talking about fighting Gods. But I had told him that I believed him, so I didn really voice my concerns. I wanted to wake up, if this was a dream.

”So, you want my help in defeating God? ” I asked.

”Yes, ” he replied, satisfied with himself.

”Maybe you don know this, but I got beaten up by a little girl. ” I told him, at this point I would have said anything to put the ghastly day behind me. But the terrible had just begun.

”Yes, ” he said with his earlier confidence ”Thats how we are going to defeat him. ”

”By getting me beaten up by little girls? ” I asked.

”No, no, no, no. I want you to befriend the girl, ” he said.

”Well, I think we got on the wrong foot, the girl and I, there is some bad blood between us now. ”

”That can be mended. ” He said ”You have to befriend the girl and her brother. ”

”Why? ” I asked ”Whats so special about them? ”

”One of them is Vishnus ancestors. ” He responded

”I am sorry what? ” I asked.

”Yes, you see, some millennia later, Vishnu would be reborn, ” said kali ”And his father would be a descendent of either the boy or the girl. Well, I guess either way they are both ancestors. But, when Vishnu is born, he will find me and he will kill me. ”

”So, you want me to kill them? ” I asked

”By Krishna, no, ” said kali, shocked by my bluntness. ”You can do that. Vishnu would protect his ancestor from mortal dangers. Actually, he will protect both of them, until he decides which one will carry his line. And that decision is made by the time the eldest child is 18. ”

”So, he has already made it. ” I stated the obvious.

”Yes. The problem is we don know which one. ”

”But isn that a little self-serving. Isn God supposed to be a good guy, how can he protect one sibling, and let the other one die. ”

”Believe me, he is a good guy. And the one saying that is his enemy, ” said kali, he had clearly an admiration for his foe. ”He has a strict policy of not interfering with human matters. Divine intervention, only makes things worse. ”

”Then why rebirth? ” I asked.

”He loves everything that lives and that includes, the despicable humans. He will come on earth when, humans have stopped believing. When, corruption and poverty rule the world. He will come and bring a golden age for you. ”

”Wow, well, that sounds nice. ” I admitted.

”It does, ” said kali.

”Then why should I help you? ” I asked.

”Yeah, about that, uh…. . Earlier I had thought of using my powers to compel you, but they don seem to be working properly, ” said kali ”Probably Vishnus work. ”

He sighed.

”Ok, I still don understand how me being friends with the siblings, will help? ”

”No, you don just have to befriend them, you have to find out who will be carrying Vishnus line forward, ” said kali ”And then you have to corrupt that person. ”

”Oh. ” I was beginning to see a plan formulate itself.

”You see, according to prophecy, Vishnus father has to be a good man, who believes in god and dharma, but if we can … ”

”Wait, there is a prophecy? And can I read it? ” I interrupted him.

”Yeah, its available on Amazon now, ” said kali ”I downloaded the pirated version through torrent. ”

”Amazon sells prophecies? ” I slightly shifted in my seat.

”Oh, no. Its a whole book called the KALKIPURAN , it details how Vishnu will defeat me in the end. ” He told me, with a smug expression on his face.

”So, you know how he is going to attack you, doesn that give you an edge? ” I asked.

”Nah, he is really overpowered. The only way to defeat him is to make sure that he can enter the fight, ” he said that with such exasperation, that, I felt bad for him.

”Okay, ” I said ”I am not totally sold, though. ”

”So, will you help me? ” Kali asked

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